I trust you're all surviving the heat wave in good health and your old cars are keeping in the healthy temp zones as well. 
Not much in the in box this weekend but I'll start it off for the rest of you funny guys.....
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A few eye twisters to wake y'all up with.....
Once a Marine, Always A Marine...
On their 50th anniversary, a wife found the negligee she wore on her
wedding night and put it on.She went to her husband, a retired Marine, and asked, “Honey, do you
remember this?”
He looked up from his newspaper and said; “Yes dear, I do.
You wore that same negligee the night we were married.”
She said, “Yes, that’s right. Do you remember what you said to me that night?”
He nodded and said “Yes dear, I said: ‘Oh baby, I’m going to suck the
life out of those ***** and screw your brains out’.”
She giggled and said, “That’s exactly what you said. So now it’s
fifty years later, and I’m in the same negligee. What do you have to
say now?”
He looked her up and down and said, “Mission Accomplished.”
(He never heard the shot.)
A Russian arrives in New York City...
.....as a new immigrant to the United States.
He stops the first person he sees walking down the street and says:
"Thank you, Mr. American, for letting me come into this country, giving me housing, food stamps, free medical care, and a free education!"
The passerby says, "You are mistaken, I am a Mexican."
The man goes on and encounters another passerby. "Thank you for having such a beautiful country here in America ."
The person says, "I not American, I Vietnamese."
The new arrival walks farther, and the next person he sees he stops, shakes his hand, and says, "Thank you for wonderful America !
That person puts up his hand and says,
"I am from Middle East . I am not American."
He finally sees a nice lady and asks, "Are you an American?"
She says, "No, I am from Africa ." Puzzled, he asks her, "Where are all the Americans?"
The African lady checks her watch and says, "Probably at work."
(@Y@) FRIDAY FUNNIES (@Y(@) August 12th, 2016 weekend...
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